終わりごろ [Near the end]

This is hard. But then, isn’t that exacty what I wanted? Isn’t that why I chose the house I live in and the job I took and the way I’m doing everything? Isn’t that partially why I chose to go back a bit early? Because I knew it’d be all uphill and I could only take so much? Yes. Exactly.

Because this is hard. And it hurts. And I’m worried. And people don’t like me, or maybe they don’t care, but I don’t know that. And I’m terrified. And frustrated. And all I can think is — goddamn it, I want to quit.

But I won’t.

Because I dropped this grenade in my heart, and then I pulled the pin. I dug this trench, and then I jumped in. I looked at the list of options and picked the one starred *無理*. I saw the smoke rising from the house fire already burning; and I ran in, not away. And I did what I did to get to the root of what I need. And that is — resilience.

Because the world is cruel, and it’s only going to get harder. And I am going to be one of the survivors.

Becuase life isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be. We have to scrape and scuffle, fight and struggle. We have to work hard. And in the hardest of times, all you’ve got to do is just. Not. Give. Up.

I can not give up. I can not quit. I can just press through and do whatever “it” is. Can’t I?

You bet I can.

This mountain has a peak and, goddamn it, I am going to be one of the ones who reaches it. And even if its cloudy when I do, I’ll know in functionality alone that the sun rose.

Is that enough? It can be.

That’s just me.

Then, there’s you.

You want to have an adventure? Come with me to another place and we’ll fight a battle of understanding, of sinking or swimming, of struggling non-stop to be the ones we want to be.

C’mon.

I dare you to.

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