最近色々難しい考えて、疲れてので、休みたい。

Lately, with so many difficult things to think about, tiredness has set in and made me want a break. Something small (休憩)won’t do it. I need some length of stay. Some staying power. Some gumption. Some gut.

俺の気持ちはーまあーよくなったので、頑張れないで、悲しいだ。

My mood is poor, ability to try gone, and I’m sad. Because of all this. And more.

Chances lost to wind and burned to ash.
A-fucking-gain.

Will I ever learn anything? Can I be taught? Can I grow into something strong?

かもしれない。

I’m trying but it feels like infinite repeat. The same cycle, unbroken, over and over a hundred times until the autumn becomes winter and death comes on quick. Like getting hit by a car. The last thing you ever expect and it happens just…like…that.

Another lie to the wind. Another hairline fracture in my heart. Another broken bone.
One day, I’ll rise above the rain and the wind, but not tonight.

Come the beginning of this new winter, and I think I will be in the old arms of my abandoned home. Have those arms grown strong in my being gone? I hope so.

…かもしれない。

I have no way to find out. But I’ll go ahead and think it anyway.

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