Kindling and sticks.

It’s the late hours after the sun has gone down that are difficult to navigate. The long, lonely hours listening to the train’s passing whistle blasts and each time wondering — what if…

Yokai have made their intentions very clear. But I could circumvent that if I take time and care. If I’m determined. If I become resolute.

But words more than warnings have struck me and got me ringing like a chime. Thoughts of what it might be like if I tried, one more time, to wipe the hard drive and reboot under a new name. New passcodes. A new slate.

Run a new master with a new slave. Just to see how the ones and zeros alternate.

I was zero.
You were one.

Of and on. On and off. Off at the same time and, oop, the lights all went out. Power went flat. And the memory banks we had ourselves stored in got wiped clean of all that mess.

I’ve still got old hardware. Upgraded software, sure, but it slows these older wires down. They’re frayed around the edge. Slowly, I am approaching the ground.

In hard-to-describe patterns and caught dreams, I drifted asleep. Candles lit to keep bad spirits out, but through open windows and under doorways those feelings slipped in anyway. I hadn’t accounted for that. Or I didn’t want to. Didn’t want to own the failures. Didn’t want to admit that it was years ago, in the first moments, that I knew.

Saw time like a thread balled up on a table. Could point at knots and twists. Could have known just how the whole thing would play down. But didn’t say a word. Or didn’t want to.

So I’m knotted around the throat, choking on words I know I should have spoke, catching dreams that I let loose.

If I cut the lines now, will I feel better?
Or will only I miss the pressure?

I have a longing, deep and strong, not to be alone.
This bed is cold and I regret leaving my home.
Time will fade those scars, I’m sure, and fill this bed again.
I only have to wait and try and try and try again.

Find me passion, love, lust, fire, spark.
Burn me up and keep me warm.
Winter is slowly approaching, and I’m waiting.

Will you be very long?


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