Silent/ce

I come back because I hope you’ll be here.
I keep writing because, on the off chance, I hope you’re still reading.
You are half dead and half gone and fully disappeared from this disaster I’ve kept sitting in,
but I keep on, keep up, keep this going on the hard odds that you’ll get something out of me.

A bit of smoke blows cold and sharp in your eyes,
and it’s the only thing that brings tears,
brings the water out.

I wonder as I wander this world why in hell’s name I’m so alone.
Oh that’s right…
The devices we use to fight the demons,
devils, terrors, and nightmares away
are all the same.

Oh, Nevermind.

Hope is for someone else,
someone who believes in purpose and free will and choice and god.
Someone who believes in light and dreams coming true.
Someone who has faith to have hope in something for.

I’m just skin and blood and bones.
I’m just muscle, barely toned.
I’m just a faint and a couple of cuts away from death.
I’m just darkness on the doorstep of the day.
There’s no escaping because there’s nowhere else to go.

Do you still have this hope to hold?
In what/what for.
Do you wake up screaming or crying or still just wondering why you keep trying?
Have you loved everyone, anyone, yourself yet? At all? Ever? Just once?
A single second in which the mind hiccups, coughs, and something in the back of a single thought makes you think, just this once, you’ve got something right.

But you know you’re lost…

There is nothing to get, to find, to give, to hold on to or for or from.
We are all falling, upside down.
The air goes up before it comes back down.
We’ll drown before we get a grasp on it.
We’ll be dead before anyone else knows it.

In white bedsheets with wires and ropes, with dials and tones, with gelatin falsely flavored and packed by machines–
machines that make us breathe
into little cups
So that when your so-called loved ones go,
you hardly have got anything to feel at all.

Antispetic, please put this antibacterial hand wash in your eyes.
Are you going fucking blind?
Can we get a second opinion, a second guess, a second to have a second to think this one through?
Do you know who died in the car crash? In the shooting? On the news?
Did you hear it come to pass, pass the underpass, just past.
Did you hear it?
Did you hear?

We have transmittions transmiting the latest, out to the ground level, every day.
Did you know?
Your paper, producer, product label told you so.
Have you seen/read/heard?

This is the best thing.
Have a slice, a cut, a taste, a sample of the best we’ve got.
Go ahead. Give it a shot.
We’ve got lots…

We’re all so fucking lost.
Some smarter, wiser, gracious spirit/wind/breath save us all.

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